'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS
In an effort
to minimize potential liability and calm homeowners' concerns, the
following report is submitted by the Association's legal counsel.
Whereas, on or
about the night prior to Christmas, there occurred at a certain
condominium (hereinafter "Unit" with identifying numbers redacted for
privacy purposes) a general lack of stirring by creatures therein,
including, but not limited to a mouse (an issue under review with the
Association's pest control company). Socks had been affixed around the
chimney in the hope that St. Nick aka Santa Claus ("Claus") would arrive
The Board asked our firm if the hanging of socks was a violation of the
governing documents. After extensive review by one of our associate
attorneys, it was determined that no violations occurred. The CC&Rs
and Condo Plan identify the mantle as part of the Unit. As such, owners
are allowed to decorate their mantles.
The minor residents, i.e. children residing at the aforementioned Unit
in conformance with the Association's occupancy restrictions, (which
allow no more than two residents per bedroom and one for the unit i.e.,
the 2 + 1 rule), were in their beds and engaged in dreams of candies,
nuts and/or sugar plums (also not a violation of any Association rules).
According to declarations submitted by the owners of the Unit, members
in good standing, they too retired to their beds.
Security Incident. Suddenly,
and without prior notice or warning, there occurred a disruption in the
common areas. One of the aforementioned residents immediately rushed to
a window to investigate the cause of the commotion. Whereupon was
observed, with some degree of wonder and/or disbelief, an unregistered
sleigh being pulled through the air by approximately eight (8)
undocumented reindeer, having breached security by failing to stop at
the guard station at the front gate. (The Board is reviewing possible
changes to security procedures to avoid such incidents in the future.)
The unlicensed driver of the nonconforming vehicle appeared to be the
previously referenced Claus.
Said Claus was giving direction to the reindeer and specifically
identified the animal co-conspirators as: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer,
Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donder and Blitzen (hereinafter the "Deer"). Upon
information and belief, it is further asserted that an additional
co-conspirator named Rudolph may have been involved. The Association's
management company is checking its records to see if it has any contact
information for Claus and his accomplices.
According to members who witnessed the incident, the vehicle and Deer
trespassed upon the common area roofs without Board permission and in
clear violation of the Rules & Regulations. Because of possible
insurance implications, the Association's insurance carrier was
notified. The potentially unsafe vehicle was filled with what appeared
to be items of unknown origin or nature. Suddenly, without prior
invitation or permission, either express or implied, the vehicle arrived
at the Unit, and Claus entered via the exclusive use chimney in further
violation of rules requiring all guests use front doors only.
The aforementioned unauthorized guest was clad in a red suit and
carried a large sack containing toys, together with other unknown items.
Claus was smoking tobacco in a small pipe in clear violation of a
recent CC&R amendment against smoking in Units. (The smoking ban is
currently under legal challenge by a chain-smoking couple who believe
they should have been grandfathered. The unbudgeted legal fees created
by the litigation may result in an emergency special assessment after
the first of the year. A copy of the complaint is available for review
in the management office.)
The boots worn by Claus also made excessive noise on the hardwood
floors and woke the owners in the unit below--a matter scheduled for
discussion at the next board meeting to determine if acoustical
standards should be raised for future hard-surfaced floor installations.
Members are invited to express their opinions on this important issue
during the Open Forum portion of the meeting. An agenda will be posted
on bulletin boards at least four days prior to the meeting.
Nonprofit Status. Claus
immediately filled the stockings of the aforementioned minor children
with toys and other small gifts. (Out of an abundance of caution, we
asked a CPA to determine if the gifts jeopardize the Association's nonprofit
status.) Upon completion of the task, Claus touched the side of his
nose and flew up the chimney to the roof where the Deer waited as
lookouts beside the overloaded sleigh. (The Maintenance Committee will
meet with a roofing contractor to examine the roof for potential damage.
If any is found, the unit owner visited by Claus may be specially
assessed for the damage.)
Claus quickly departed for an unknown destination. However, prior to his departure Claus was heard to exclaim: "Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!" Or words to that effect.
See reader feedback.
Very truly yours,
Adrian Adams, Esq.
ADAMS | STIRLING PLC